 Dear Student, Here is a taste of things to come !! These lessons have changed many, and I am confident that they will bless you too !! An
Introduction (That
Must Be Read) 2.
Newlyweds
And Young Couples
3.
Purity
Before And After Marriage
4.
Irrevocable
Covenant, Nor Modifiable Contract
5.
c 6.
Encouragement
For Parents Of Young Children
7.
Encouragement
For Sons, Daughters, Parents
8. Sunshine At The Eventide 9. The Extended Family 10.
Essential
Historical Notes
I write as the son of devout Christian parents (now with the Lord), as the husband of a devout Christian mother, and as a father. Having tasted the grace of God in the household of my parents as well as in my own, I write out of a thankful heart. My spiritual and cultural heritage blends the East (India) and the West (U.S.A). Now past 60, I came to the United States nearly 32 years ago. Both in India and in the U.S., it pleased God to make me a witness for His Son Jesus Christ and serve in His Church. Learning God's Word and obeying it have been my chief joy in life. God gave this to me as an inheritance. I share that inheritance with my readers. The Lord placed me in the New Testament Church in Fairborn, Ohio, and has given me grace to minister the Word of God for the past nearly 26 years. The teaching presented in this book reflects the goodness of the Lord we have experienced in the life of the Church. One final word: The message contained in this book owes much to the example of one person: my dear wife and sister in the Lord, Achiamma (Lilly) Arthungal. For over thirty years I have seen her fulfilling by God's grace the words of Abigail: "Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord"" (1 Sam. 25:41). Her life as a wife, a mother, and a servant of God's people has lit a lamp in many hearts, and that light has illuminated the words in this book. Joseph
Arthungal
Jeff and Jeanne Burks, my beloved co-workers in Christ in the Church in Fairborn, Ohio, and my daughter Rebecca Arthungal contributed significantly to the development of this book. The extensive editing done by Bernard and Eugenia Hilbrink is gratefully acknowledged. Special thanks to several co-workers and friends who reviewed this book, and offered suggestions and encouragement. While acknowledging the help of the reviewers, the author accepts full responsibility for the teachings and views contained in the book. Unless
otherwise
indicated, all Scripture
quotations in this book are from the King James Version.
Every course should have an objective, and much more so with what Calvin School offers. Thus this Course is offered with much expectation, the Chief Objectives of which include: 1. To give young, single adults words of instruction to prepare them for the future. Many can be spared much sorrow if they are instructed early in life. I have written words intended to draw the heart of the parents to the children, and the heart of the children to their parents. 2. To show both young and older couples alike the blessedness of exclusive love in marriage. 3. To emphasize that marriage and sex are of God, and therefore pure. Children are God's gifts to be received with joy and thankfulness. 4. To highlight the duty of parents to train the children in godliness. The parents' spiritual care extends to grown children whose reverence for parents is not altered by age. 5. To establish that the marriage covenant includes God in addition to the couple, and therefore lies beyond man's authority to modify. A battle is on against marriage as a covenant under God's law, and for redefining it as a modifiable contract under man's law. There is, and will always be, a need to set forth in the clearest possible words the teaching of Christ on marriage and family. Two Important Reference Points: Conflicting viewpoints abound concerning almost all matters of holy living. Marriage is no exception. When such is the case one is often tempted to think in terms of relative right and relative wrong, saying "it depends" or "it is just your view", implying that there are no absolutes about the case in point. Many feel that such thinking indicates broadmindedness and education. We all agree that there are absolutes in the physical universe God created. How can there be none in the moral universe inside our hearts? If God is sovereign in our hearts, there indeed are moral absolutes for us to live by. Where do we go to discover the absolutes? We go to God and His Word. We may use the following two reference points: I. The Words of the Scripture: Very rare, if any, would be a moral issue for which the Bible fails to give clear guidance. Such guidance is given either as precepts or as principles. Precept is based on principle. II. The Silence of the Scripture: The Bible speaks of "inventors of new forms of evil" (Rom.1:30, The Amplified Bible). All sins are not mentioned in the Bible, but all precepts and principles necessary for godly living are laid down. Living in the end times, we should expect an increase of new forms of evil invented by men. A precept or principle not given to us in God's Word, and whose purity is doubtful, calls for careful examination in the light of the Scriptures related to the matter. It could well be that it is a new form of evil invented by men. In such matters, what the Scripture has not permitted by its words may in fact be condemned by its silence. These principles are set forth here because we will have use for their application in the following pages. We acknowledge that there are differences of opinion among Christians. This, far from daunting us, should only challenge us to love God and love the truth with firm resolve. We may safely trust the Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth needed to do the will of God. With
the above things in
mind, let
us move on the the lesson-proper
Jesus taught that we must learn from the example of Adam and Eve if we are to learn aright about marriage (Matt. 19:3-9). For Adam and Eve, their whole world was just the two of them, and God. There was no one else to desire or to be desired by. No one else to think about but themselves, and God. No one else to fellowship with but each other, and God. No one else to talk with but each other, and God. It was an exclusive company of just three! This is how it was in the beginning. Adam
had no woman to
please but Eve.
Eve had no man to please but Adam. Perfect loyalty. Perfect commitment.
Perfect fellowship. The two were together in their prayers, work,
dining,
rest, and sleep. God was very much a part of their thoughts and
affections.
Their home was the Initially,
Adam was
alone. Then God
said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help
meet (fit) for him" (Gen. 2:18). From this single verse we have much to
learn. God said that it was not good for man to be alone. What would be
good for Adam? A woman! Centuries later Solomon wrote, "Whoso findeth a
wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord" (Prov.
18:22).
Again, "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life"
(Prov.
31:12). Just as we believe the Scriptures concerning the salvation of
our
soul, we have When a husband believes and confesses, "God has given me a good thing in my wife," God is pleased, and the Scripture shall have its fulfillment. And, when the wife believes and confesses, "I am a good gift the Lord has given to my husband," God is pleased, and the Scripture shall have its fulfillment. A wife is a good gift, a favor from the Lord. Let us emphasize: Have we believed the Scripture? Have we confessed the Scripture? It is what we believe that is our portion, not what we merely agree with. Let
every husband
confess: "Lord,
my wife is Your good gift to me, Your favor toward me. I thank You for
her. Lord, I bless my wife in Your name so that she will be a blessing
to me. Grant, Lord, that only kind thoughts will arise in my heart
towards
her, and only gracious When you believe and confess this truth, Satan loses his power. God is glorified. Let every wife confess: "Lord, my husband is Your good gift to me, Your favor toward me. I thank You for him. Lord, I bless my husband in Your name so that he will be a blessing to me. Grant, Lord, that only kind thoughts will arise in my heart towards him, and only gracious words proceed from my mouth to him or about him. Lord, I thank You for creating me as a good gift and as a helper for my husband. Lord, teach me to be a help for him. Teach me, Lord, to do him good all the days of my life. Lord, teach me to submit to him as unto You as it says in Your Word. Amen." Again, when you believe and confess this truth, Satan loses his power. God is glorified. What is set forth above is the heart of the matter in family life: believing the truth God has spoken, confessing the same in prayer, and giving God the glory. God's Design and God's Grace: The greatest thing God made was not the planet Earth, not the heavens, not even the angels. When the angels sinned, God did not send His Son to die for them, but for man He did. That shows God's love for us. God has created nothing higher than man, man being inclusive of woman. Adam was the crown of creation, and Eve was to be his crown (Prov. 12:4). Again, will we believe these truths? Sin has brought such degradation upon man that these precious truths are almost forgotten. All things have become earthy and ordinary. But not so with us who are in Christ, and in whom Christ dwells. We are changed into His image, and we should look back to how it was in the beginning. Love between a husband and his wife is necessarily exclusive except for God. It is this exclusive love that takes the couple back to the blessedness of the first marriage in Eden. Spousal love excludes even parents, but the parents are no less dear because of marriage. It is in this exclusive love – we may call it covenant love – that two people give themselves to each other: a love that creates a oneness whose mystery is of God's own design. It creates a union that never dissolves, and ends only with death. Here, in such a union, belongs sex, nowhere else. Here, and here alone, is sex pure. Here, and here only, we may experience the delights of marriage and family as it was intended in the beginning. How
earnest a husband
should be,
a wife should be, to preserve this exclusiveness of affections! While
in
the presence of other women, a husband must have the door of his
emotions
securely locked ("I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I
think
upon a maid?" Job 31:1) so that he may preserve his exclusive love for
his spouse. It is as if A
wife, in the presence
of other
men, would, as it were, rather see than be seen (Gen. 18:9-10: Sarah
was
out of sight, but within hearing; see also 1 Tim. 2:9). It is as if she
is veiled to other men. It is a demeanor that adorns her face as an
invisible
veil, and is her power and her glory.
Praise
be to God who
grants that
we may experience and enjoy such goodness in marriage and family. This
is possible when our love is pure. Our love is pure because it is
exclusive,
but yet inclusive of God who is Love, and through whom alone we can
love
as we ought to love. For Sex: God's Idea and God's Gift: Some of God's people, based on false teachings, think that sex is not holy. When the pure is called impure, Satan gains power. When sex is considered impure, marriage is degraded, and its bliss marred. This causes distress in married life. Sex is holy in marriage (Heb. 13:4) because it is the idea of the Holy One. Marriage and sex are divine institutions for mankind. Let us call holy what God has called holy. Let us bless what God has blessed. Sex in marriage and the joy of sex are God's own ideas, and therefore absolutely pure. It is blessed to experience sexual union in covenant love as God's precious gift. It is also blessed to receive the fruit of that union -- children. Knowing that the joys as well as the sufferings in marriage are God's provisions, the husband and wife should seek God's wisdom to dwell together fulfilling God's purposes (1 Peter 3:7). It
was noted that
the Garden
of Eden – garden of delights – was the home
of the
first couple. Such was God's design for them. The very first miracle
Jesus
did was to turn water into "good wine" for use when the wine ran out
during
a wedding feast (John 2:10). Wine – the good
wine Was
not Eden the most
ideal place
for perfect love and fellowship? But how sadly things went wrong. What
great sorrows followed. The happiest days of our life are open to
subtle
dangers if we stray away from God, if we go against His purpose for us.
We cannot be too careful.
The
danger can be warded
off if we
keep thanking God for His goodness, and maintain our joy in prayer (Is.
56:7) and in God's Word (Psa. 119:103). There is joy and fellowship in
the husband and wife kneeling down and praying together, and listening
to each other pray. There is joy and fellowship in the husband and wife
reading God's Word aloud to each other. There is joy and fellowship in
the husband and wife sharing their hearts and communicating their joys
and sorrows. There is fellowship in the Spirit, and the two spirits
experience
blessed union. The
opening pages of the
Bible describe
the marriage between Adam and Eve. The closing pages of the Bible
describe
the marriage between Jesus Christ and the Church. Marriage is most
precious
in God's sight. May it be so in our hearts. God created Adam and Eve in
His own image (Gen. 1:27), and joined them saying: "...they shall be
one
flesh" (Gen. 2:24). The fellowship and oneness in marriage is so precious that we should expect severe attacks from the enemy who tempted and defeated our first parents situated in the most ideal environment. We shall have "trouble in the flesh" (1 Cor. 7:28). Beyond the innocent delights of wedlock, lasting bliss is founded on sacrifice: The husband lives for the wife, not for himself; for him, the wife comes first (Eph. 5:25). The wife lives for the husband, not for herself; for her, the husband comes first. Their union rests upon a covenant to be kept at the cost of life. A union that rests on this foundation rests secure by God's grace. Difficult
situations will
arise in
your marriage. This is normal. It may seem that the wine has run out.
It
may seem that you have only water left. Please come to Jesus. He will
turn
your water into wine as He did in Cana. He will bring you back to Eden,
the garden of delights. Come to
Submitting
as Unto the
Lord:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord"
(Eph.
5:22). Note, "as unto the Lord". Only a wife who knows the Lord in the
Spirit, and is one with Him in the Spirit, can understand this and obey
this. Seek therefore to know the
Loving
as Christ Loved:
The
commandment to the husbands is: "Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). Note,
"even
as Christ also loved the Church." Only a husband who knows the Lord in
the Spirit, and is one with Him in the Spirit, can understand this and
obey this. Seek therefore to know the Lord in the Spirit and obey Him
in
all things. How else can you love your wife as Christ loved the Church?
It is the way of sacrifice, and therefore of purest joy. A husband who
follows this way will have
Christ
is the heavenly
bridegroom
of the Church. The Church is Christ's Body, a people who love Him with
bridal love in bridal purity. The Holy Spirit brings this bridal love
in
our heart. The Holy Spirit keeps us in bridal purity. Please seek to be
filled with the Holy Spirit through
See God's special care for the newlyweds: "When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army, nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken" (Deut. 24:5, New American Standard). It is a husband's duty before God to devote quality time for fellowship with his new wife, and give her happiness. This will cement their love and settle their affection for each other. Special devotion to each other during the first year will help establish in their hearts a commitment to remain faithful in the midst of cares and trials in years to come. If you have failed in this area, repent. Take time now to cherish your spouse and give her happiness. Take time to acknowledge your failures. Perhaps now you can go the second mile. "Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord" (1 Sam. 25:41). This was the response of the wise and beautiful Abigail when asked to become David's wife. How pure and blessed are her words! Such a wife is indeed a "crown" for her husband (Prov. 12:4). May every Christian wife be so adorned, and so adorn her husband. True happiness in the home – and in the Church and community -- is the fruit of serving one another. Abigail offered to be the servant of the servants of David. How blessed it would be for a husband to serve such a wife. The Lord Jesus Christ was the servant of all, and we are His servants. The husband is first a servant, and therefore the leader in the home. Our Lord Jesus Christ gave us the example by washing the disciples' feet. If we remember Him we will have wisdom to serve one another in true humility. Our Lord said, "And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all" (Mark 10:44). Have
we, as husbands,
been taught
to "give honor" to our wives? That is precisely what is written:
"…Husbands,
dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the
weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that
your
prayers may not be God ordained that Adam and Eve should be fruitful and multiply. This was the very first blessing God pronounced upon man (Gen. 1:28). A godly wife is as a "fruitful vine," and her children are like "olive plants," we read in Psa. 128:3. The Scripture reveals God's very close attention to conception as it takes place in the mother's womb: "For You did form my inward parts, You did knit me together in my mother's womb. I will confess and praise You, for you are fearfully wonderful, and for the awful wonder of my birth! ... My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being formed in secret and intricately and curiously wrought…Your eyes saw my unformed substance…How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God!" (Psa. 139: 13–17, The Amplified Bible). These scriptures plainly show God's wonderful work in conception. It is most blessed for us to greatly praise God when He grants conception. After
your marriage, when
you are
with your spouse, may your love and your union be an offering
to
God. Remember: an offering to God. As you experience joy and
fulfillment,
anticipate the greater fulfillment: a godly offspring (Mal.2:15, New
King
James Version). That child may be
People say that the Bible gives no specific instruction about family planning, nor does it condemn contraceptive measures. Is not preventing conception a moral issue? Absolutely. Then the silence of the Scripture (see Introduction: Two Important Reference Points) is condemnation of a new form of evil, especially in light of Gen. 1:28 and Gen. 9:1 as well as the other passages describing the blessings of having children. This is evidently the case in this matter because the first blessing to the first couple was to be fruitful and multiply. We don't have a single verse that commands or permits us to prevent conception. Hear
Paul's very specific
advice
regarding how the spouses may live together: "Do not deprive one
another
except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting
and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you
because
of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor. 7:5-6, New King James Version).
However,
later in the same chapter we read the Apostle's words to the husbands
who
live in the last days to live as though they had no wives, because time
is short (1 Cor. 7:29). Living in these last days we need wisdom from
God
to Abstaining
for Prayer
and Fasting:
Paul counsels the couples to abstain with mutual consent "for a
time,
that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer..." (1 Cor. 7:5, New
King James Version). From this we may infer that abstinence for a
period
of fasting and prayer was practiced by the believers in Paul's time.
[Note:
Some translations omit "fasting".] How profitable would it
Both in the Old Testament and the New, God's people fasted and prayed. It allows us unhindered communion with God. Regular, disciplined fasting has many health benefits, including healing of sickness. Abstaining After Childbirth: Please read Leviticus chapter 12. On this passage the Matthew Henry Commentary says, "There was some time of strict separation immediately after the birth. During these days she was separated from her husband and friends..." In ancient cultures it was recognized that, depending on the health of the mother, several weeks (or even a few months) of rest and nutrition were necessary for her to return to normal life. This would also promote health and happiness in family life. Refraining From Coming Together for a Time: This should be done according to the Lord's leading. Sometimes refraining from coming together for a time may be necessitated by the limitations of the health of either spouse. Breast Feeding: In Biblical times the mothers nursed until the child was two to three years old. Nursing has great health benefits for both the mother and the child. Spacing of children may be facilitated by breastfeeding. Naming
the Newborn:
The naming
of the newborn had prophetic significance (Gen. 5:29;
While
the husband is the
leader of
the family, the wife is its builder (Prov. 14:1), and she needs wisdom
from God to build (Prov. 24:3). She needs her husband's support. Much
honor
comes to a husband (Prov. 31:23) who honors and appreciates his wife
(Prov.
31:28). A husband should endeavor to make his home a place of rest for
his wife (Ruth 1:9; 3:1), and highly honor her calling as wife and
mother.
This will allow her to fulfill her ministry to him and to the children,
as well as to the guests, visitors, and the needy who come to her. Such
a woman is doing The honor and obligations of being a wife and mother may be learned from Prov. 31:10-31, 1 Peter 3:1-6, Eph. 5:22-24 and Titus 2:3-5. Please read these passages slowly. What can we learn from the virtuous woman of Prov. 31? She is doing good to her husband. She is very industrious and income-producing, working willingly with her hands. She is an early riser. She gives to the poor. She takes good care of the needs of her family members. She is a joyful person. She speaks words of wisdom and kindness. She watches over her household. She is not idle. Wives, please pray for grace to fulfil such a calling. The young wife of Titus 2 is devoting herself to the family. A mother's full-time care for children is needed today more than ever before; so great are the evil influences on the children in our modern permissive culture. The obligations of being a wife and mother often conflict with the pursuit of a career. If you are pursuing a career out of financial need or conviction of God's leading in your life, ask the Lord for great wisdom not to fail in your duties as mother and wife. I know a mother whose grown children are deeply thankful to her for giving up her career to devote herself to raising them. There
are situations
where it becomes
necessary and desirable for a wife to work to supplement her husband's
efforts in earning a living for the family. (Prov.
31:13–19).
However, sometimes it is possible and wise to manage with less, and
live
a life of contentment using principles of good stewardship. The husband
and wife should seek God to know His "good,
It
is a blessing that in
our day
educational and employment opportunities are open to both men and
women.
I know instances in poor families in India where daughters, having
received
an education, work hard to lift their families from poverty, thus
opening
a door of hope for many. I
Is it pleasing to God for a woman who has the enormous duties of a wife and mother to pursue a career that demands many hours of work outside the home? Often such women leave their children with baby sitters or in day care centers. These children suffer emotionally and spiritually. Are you failing your children? Have you, as a Christian wife, sought the Lord in this matter? Have you, as a Christian husband, sought the Lord for your wife in this matter? If we do not seek the Lord, we will be driven by the norms of the world. Is there need for repentance? Sarah served God as wife and mother. So did Mary, the mother of Jesus. Are not such mothers full-time servants of God? I believe so. They are serving God in serving their families, the Church, and others. They are serving God in raising the future servants of God as John Wesley's mother did. The Bible mentions the following relationships (boyfriend – girlfriend relationship not included) between a man and woman: 1. brother and sister, including non-relatives; 2. betrothed engaged); 3. husband and wife. Sexual intimacy or sexual union is pure only in the last relationship; in the other two, it would be sinful. The
betrothed should
treat each other
as brother and sister as it concerns sexual intimacy and sexual union,
so that God's will is done whether or not their engagement leads to
marriage.
If you permit sexual intimacy or sexual union, and then for some reason
marriage does not take place, how can the two persons part, and live
with
a good conscience the rest of
"Flee fornication," (1 Cor. 6:18). "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). All other sin is committed outside the body, but when you sin in this area, you sin against your own body. The battle can be intense. If your hatred for sin is equally intense you will receive grace to resist sin "unto blood" (Heb. 12:4). You must flee all that causes temptation. Do certain TV programs cause you temptation? Do some books or magazines cause lustful thoughts? Do certain types of music arouse lust in you? Then flee these as you would flee the fire of hell. Young Joseph fled from the woman who tempted him. Paul wrote to young Timothy to flee from youthful lusts (2 Tim. 2:22; please open your Bible and read verses 20–22). It is certain that if you will not flee, you will not overcome lust, but will be overcome by it. Please ask the Lord: is it pleasing to You that I watch these TV programs? Is it pleasing to You that I read these books and magazines? And, listen to Christ's words in Matt 5:29: "…if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." You should flee from lust as from hell fire. Is that not what Jesus meant? Faith for Victory: Please read attentively Paul's words in 1 Cor. 9:25-27: "And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway." I know an older Christian who testifies that these verses kept him from much harm in his youth. Men,
learn from Job and
make a covenant
with your eyes. What was Job's
covenant? His covenant was not to "look [lustfully] upon a
girl" (Job 31:1, The Amplified
Bible). Women,
may your heart and mind be veiled,
and preserved like a garden enclosed, like a spring shut up,
and like a fountain sealed, as
the bride
in Song of Solomon 4:12. The bride of
Christ weaves her own wedding gown, which will be found
without spot or wrinkle. May you be
found among
such. Do not allow one thought
to come in that would arouse lust. When the door is firmly
shut against lust, sin that
crouches at the
door is mastered (Gen. 4:7, The
Those who overcome "shall be clothed in white raiment" (Rev. 3:5). They are promised a white stone with a new name written on it which no man knows except he who receives it (Rev. 2:17). Thoughts, Intimacies, Physical Contacts Jesus said that even without sexual union, adultery occurs in the heart when one looks at a woman to lust for her (Matt. 5:28). "Watch over your heart with all diligence," we read (Prov. 4:23, New American Standard). By grace we can be kept from lusting if we abide in godly fear, and are kept by the power of God. A young man and a young woman, though betrothed, would do well to think of themselves as brother and sister, and relate to each other as such in godly fear. The test lies mostly in 'time alone' and physical contact. Ask yourselves: what example is being set for the young people in the Church? Would it be proper for other young adults -- not betrothed -- to have the physical contact and 'time alone' you allow for yourselves? There is always a possibility that marriage may not take place, in which case you want to part in peace and with good conscience. Those who keep themselves pure gain tremendous respect from each other, and their eventual union will have the fragrance of innocence and enduring romance. We wish all young boys and girls could receive this instruction before it is too late for them. The culture around us like a deluge is drowning young people, and there is such an absence of clear, timely, guidance. We need to hear these things clearly taught. Sexual purity both before and after marriage is a matter of utmost importance, having consequences in this life and the life to come. Sexual Purity for the Very Young Intimate body contact between girls and boys (beyond about seven years of age) while playing or working together should be shepherded with care. How much more does this apply to older children and teenagers! This should apply to members of the same family and relatives as well. We should train our children to respect the bodies of children of the opposite sex, and keep a healthy distance in the fear of God. It is naive to assume that children are sexually insensitive, especially in our television-saturated culture. Another word of caution for parents: Children sleeping in the same bed -- especially boys -- could give occasion for harmful sexual experiences. It is good to have them sleep in separate beds. It is also best for boys not to share the same room with girls. These cautions apply to members of the same family also. Sexual Purity for the Married: "…Let the marriage bed be undefiled" (Heb. 13:4, New American Standard). The husband and wife are to love each other with exclusive love, with no mental image or involvement of any other person defiling their pure love for each other. Then their union is pure, because their thoughts are pure. The desire and prayer in their heart is that God, according to His will, will give them a godly offspring. Here
we repeat a passage
from an
earlier section: How earnest a husband
should
be, a wife should be, to preserve this exclusiveness of
affections. While
in the presence of
other women,
a husband must have the door of his
emotions securely locked ("I made a covenant with mine eyes,"
Job 31:1) so that he
may
preserve his exclusive
love for his mate. It is as if he
is a father or a brother to other women. A wife, in the presence
of other men,
would, as it
were, rather
see than be seen. It is as if she is
veiled
to other men. It is a demeanor that adorns her face as an
invisible veil,
and is her power and
her glory.
She relates to other men as if she were
a mother or a sister to them. For such a couple the exclusive
delights
of Eden are
promised in this
earthly life. Difficulties
in sex life are to be expected due to circumstances, poor health, and
ignorance.
But if each spouse is committed to live for the
other,
and not for oneself, God will give us understanding to work
with the difficulties. There is
wisdom to
be received from faithful older couples,
as well as from reading wholesome educational material.
Covenant
of God:
God, Husband,
Wife A wife
is a
"wife by covenant" (Mal. 2:14, New American Standard),
and
the covenant is the
"covenant of
her God."(Prov. 2:17). The law of man
may treat marriage as an ordinary "contract" that is modifiable
by the mutual consent of the
parties involved.
The law of God, however, treats
marriage as a "covenant" involving three parties: husband,
wife, and God. When God is a party
to an agreement,
the agreement is a covenant
(covenant of God, Prov. 2:17), not a contract modifiable by
man.
God never breaks the
covenant,
and for this reason, neither can the
In Old Testament times the sacrifice of animals and the shedding of blood was typically part of the making of a covenant (Psa. 50:5; Heb. 9:16,17). This implies a commitment to keep the covenant at the cost of life. The parties live for one another, and would die for one another so that the covenant may be kept. See Genesis 15:9-21 where God made a covenant with Abraham, and Exodus 24:1-8 where God made a covenant with Israel, and He became Israel's husband (Jer. 31:32). Abraham's children (Israel) later became unfaithful, but God remained faithful to the covenant (Deut. 4:29-31; Psa. 89:34). Where do we see the sacrifice and the shedding of blood in connection with the marriage covenant? It is Christ's life-giving love and His precious blood that won Him His bride, the Church. This truth is reflected in every Christian marriage. The husband and wife have solemnly promised to each other and to God: "I will live not for myself, but for my God, and for my spouse. I will lay down my life for my God and for my spouse." By such a promise the husband and wife are fulfilling Heb. 9:16–17: "For where a testament (covenant) is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator (one who made the covenant)…" This is the nature of the covenant of marriage, a covenant of God. In such a covenant union the spouses are allowed to "know" each other (Gen. 4:1, first mention of sexual union in the Scripture). In such "knowing" the spouses experience the blessings of God in covenant love. The covenant love and union between husband and wife reflect the covenant love and union between Christ and His Body, the Church (Eph. 5:22-28). The union between Christ and the Church -- The Head and the Body -- cannot be dissolved, no more can the covenant union between a husband and his wife be dissolved. Jesus Christ said: "…What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate" (Matt. 19:6, New American Standard). Divorce and Remarriage: The Scriptures Did Jesus Christ absolutely prohibit divorce? Read Matt. 5:32 and Matt. 19:9. These words of Christ permit divorce on the ground of fornication. It should be noted however that where there is repentance, there is room for forgiveness and this is best. Did Jesus Christ absolutely prohibit remarriage of the innocent spouse unjustly divorced? Read Luke 16:18 and Matt. 5:32. In these verses we have the case of a woman unjustly divorced, and is therefore innocent. The remarriage of such an innocent woman would result in an adulterous union. Let
us apply the same
principle to
a faithful man who divorces his wife on the grounds of fornication, and
is himself innocent; the remarriage of
such
an innocent man would result in an adulterous union. (Note:
Some think that this applies only
to the
woman, not to the man. They base their
thinking
on the fact that a man was allowed to have more than one
spouse
in the Old Testament,
but not
the woman. The argument fails in the
case of Adam and Eve, which is what Jesus used (Matt. 19: 3-6)
to affirm Gen. 1:27 and 2:24;
see also
Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, Titus
Christ's Words: "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (Matt. 5:32, New King James Version). Let us ask: If a woman not guilty of sexual immorality was divorced, and she remarried, how could she be committing adultery? Was she not innocent and unjustly divorced? How would it be wrong for her to remarry? Unless Christ had spoken, we wouldn't have known. There is extreme pain when the innocent suffer. When we suffer, we commit ourselves to God (1 Pet. 4:19). Again
we read: "Whoever
divorces
his wife and marries another commits
adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and
marries
another, she commits
adultery"
(Mark 10:11-12, New King James
Version). This verse speaks both of the husband and the wife.
Separation
or Divorce
Permitted, Not
Remarriage: "A wife is not to depart
from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain
unmarried
or be reconciled
to her husband.
And a husband is not to divorce
his wife" (1 Cor. 7:10-11, New King James Version). Matt. 5:32
would
allow divorce - not
remarriage
- on the grounds of sexual
Does 1 Cor. 7:15 permit remarriage? Here the apostle counsels that if an unbelieving partner leaves, the believing spouse is free and should remain in God's peace. Is the believing spouse free to remarry? Nothing is said about remarriage. Paul's silence on remarriage here is significant. It shows that Christ's prohibition of remarriage was well known. Contrast this with Rom. 7:3 where Paul permits remarriage for the woman whose husband is dead. Divorce and Remarriage: The Early Church Following is a quote from early Christian writings (Tertullian, A.D.145-220) on Luke 16:18: "Christ prohibits divorce saying, 'Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband, also committeth adultery.' In order to forbid divorce, He makes it unlawful to marry a woman that has been put away… 'put away,' that is, for the reason wherefore a woman ought not to be dismissed, that another wife may be obtained. For he who marries a woman who is unlawfully put away is as much of an adulterer as the man who marries one who is undivorced." ("Ante-Nicene Fathers", Volume III, pg. 405, 1989 Ed.) Here is another testimony from early Church history: "In the second century the medical writer Galen was impressed by Christian continence and especially the fact that many were celibate. Justin in 150 presented his fellow-believers as heroes of restraint, rejecting remarriage after divorce…" ("The Oxford Illustrated History of Christianity" edited by John Mcmanners, The Early Christian Community, Henry Chadwick, pg. 39, 1992 Ed.) Counsel Concerning Marriage and Divorce: In His authentic and final teaching about marriage in Matt. 5:32, Matt. 19:4-9, Mark 10:2-12, and Luke 16:18, the Lord Jesus Christ joined the prohibition of divorce to the prohibition of remarriage; let us not separate what Christ has joined. Men and women will fear to divorce if the Church will fear to accept remarriage. This, and only this, shall reverse the destructive divorce culture that is engulfing the Christian churches in our day. Let us stand against the tide and intercede for God's people. How may we comfort those who suffer innocently? The Lord Jesus Christ suffered innocently; we share in His suffering and in His glory. "Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator" (1 Peter 4:19). God is a party to the covenant of marriage, and He never breaks the covenant ("My covenant will I not break," Psa. 89:34; Deut. 4:29-31); and for this reason, the covenant of the first marriage endures unbroken on God's part, and therefore unbreakable by divorce and remarriage on man's part. "They are no more twain" (Matt. 19:6), and the "scripture cannot be broken" (John 10:35). If Jesus said that they are no longer two, neither divorce nor remarriage can make them two. Did God dissolve the covenant of the first marriage when the divorce took place under man's law? No. Did God dissolve the covenant of the first marriage when the remarriage took place under man's authority? No. Would God dissolve the covenant of the first marriage for any reason –- other than death – after the divorce or the remarriage? No. The following counsel is based on the premise that the first spouse to whom God joined you to is your spouse "by covenant" (Mal. 2:14, New American Standard), and the covenant is the covenant of God (Prov. 2:17). Counsel for Covenant Couples: Do not think of divorce except if your spouse is guilty of adultery, and unrepentant. And, if you divorce at all, with or without any guilt in either spouse, be warned that you do not have the option to remarry (1 Cor. 7:10,11); if you remarry, the union would be adulterous (Luke 16:18; Matt. 5:32). Counsel for the Divorced: Never think of remarriage as an option as long as your spouse is alive; if you remarry, the union would be adulterous. Your options are: (1) Do not marry again as long as your spouse lives, remarried or not; or, (2) Be reconciled to your spouse if there is repentance and the spouse is free. Counsel Concerning Remarriage: 1. If you are remarried while the covenant spouse to whom God joined you (Matt. 19:4-6) is alive, the remarriage is adulterous (Luke 16:18; Matt. 5:32). Ask the Lord to show you a way to be released from the remarriage, and still honor any wholesome obligations you are bound to. Once released from the remarriage, either continue single, or, be reconciled to your covenant spouse if there is repentance and the spouse is free. 2. Having never been married before, or having no living covenant spouse, you are now married to a divorcee who has a living spouse; your marriage is adulterous (Luke 16:18; Matt. 5:32). Ask the Lord to show you a way to be released from marriage, and still honor any wholesome obligations you are bound to. Once released from the marriage, if you wish to be married again, make sure you are entering into a covenant relationship for life. Does not Deut. 24:1-4 prohibit a remarried woman from returning to her former husband? Yes, according to Deut. 24:1-4, whether the spouse of the remarriage is alive or dead, a remarried woman was forbidden to return to her covenant spouse. Some today use this to justify existing remarriage. Concerning this let us note: 1. The second marriage, according to Christ's words, would be adulterous in the New Covenant (Matt. 5:32; Luke 16:18). 2. The second marriage "defiled" (Deut. 24:4) the woman; in the New Covenant Christ's blood cleanses the defilement if there is repentance. 3. The teaching given by Jesus in the Gospel is the final word. 4. Therefore the "Counsel Concerning Remarriage" given above applies. Are we not just human? How can we aspire to these principles? Our Lord said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:30). Satan deceives by making God's standards seem too hard or he introduces a clever explanation to corrupt God's Word. It is true that the way of obedience is the way of the Cross. It is, nevertheless, the way of grace, the way of faith, and the way of eternal glory. But we do not make any standards for ourselves, nor for others. God is the only Lawgiver. He also gives us grace to do what He has ordained for our good. God is love. He made us, and He made the laws of life. Though we are human, we do receive God's life in us the moment we are born again. God gives us grace for what He commands. Also, by teaching these truths to our children, we might spare them from much sorrow in the future. "The Foolishness of God is Wiser Than Men" (1 Cor. 1:25) The following is quoted from "The Biblical Doctrine of Marriage", Donald G. Miller: "The Biblical view of Christian marriage, then, is that it is the union between one man and one woman, through whose union each finds himself in a new realization of being, created by God, which can be broken only by the death of one or the other partner. It is the unique function of the Church, both in its teaching and its practice, to bear witness to this. It will be folly to the world, whose standards are controlled by convenience, custom, desire, and other motives. But it is not a new thing that 'the foolishness of God is wiser than men.' " ("The Biblical Doctrine of Marriage", Donald G. Miller, pg. 12, 1976 Ed.) In
marriage God joins the
spouses
in a lifelong union of covenant love;
the
two become one flesh. This "oneness" endures until the death of
one spouse.
This oneness is
harmed - not
undone - by unfaithfulness on the part
of one spouse or both. The oneness endures even through
unfaithfulness,
even through
divorce,
even through remarriage, until death.
This truth brings godly fear in our hearts, and the spouses
remain faithful in covenant love to
each other
and to the Lord Jesus Christ.
If
You are Young, Single,
and Seeking
a Spouse I
write
these words as a father, and as an older Christian writing for
the younger. Please read these
words with
all diligence, and look to God for
When the Holy Spirit leads you, He leads you into the battle, and through the battle. (Matt. 4:1) What is the battle? The battle is for your thought-life, a battle against evil thoughts. "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life" (Prov. 4:23, New King James Version). When your thoughts are pure, your words and deeds will be pure. Your thoughts form your thought-life, and your thought-life shapes your character and personality. Your prayers form your prayer-life, and your prayer-life will cleanse your thoughts. Therefore, learn to pray often by simply turning your heart to God and worshipping Him, especially when you are alone. God found an Enoch who walked with Him in the dawn of history (Gen. 5:24). He found a Noah, "a just man and perfect," when "all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth" (Gen. 6:9-12). Certainly we are living in similar times. Has God called you to be an Enoch in your generation? Or a Noah? A flood of lawless lifestyles is covering the earth, but you may find your refuge in the ark that is Jesus Christ, and firmly believe that the Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth. When the Lord Jesus Christ taught about marriage, he started with Adam and Eve. Let us also start where He did. Marriage was God's idea, and God's design, for mankind. Sex was God's idea, and God's design, for mankind. God, therefore, is the lawgiver concerning marriage and sex. Please acknowledge this in your heart, and confess accordingly to God. If you begin here, you shall be blessed from beginning to end. Not that you will not be tested; just the contrary. The purest joy and hardest testing are wedded to each other in the ways of our God; and to such a life we are called. God made one -- only one -- woman for Adam. God made one -- only one -- man for Eve. May this simple but great truth be planted in your heart; and may you thus come into harmony with God, and His eternal purpose for you. Keep your heart and mind and body unspoiled for the Lord's sake, and for blessed fellowship with your future spouse. What
is the secret of
faithfulness
in single life? Read 1. Cor. 7:34-35.
Paul
counsels virgins (or unmarried persons) to attend upon the
Lord. An unmarried person is to be
concerned
about the things of the Lord that he
or she may be holy both in body and spirit. Newer and newer
forms of openly lawless lifestyles
are covering
the earth; a flood of literature, music,
and entertainment designed to corrupt young minds is pouring
in. What shall we do? Remember
Joseph, read
Genesis chapter 39. Joseph fled
from the woman who tempted him. Just imagine the ruin had he
not fled! "Flee also youthful
lusts," wrote
the aged Paul to young Timothy in the
last letter he wrote while waiting to be martyred. You who are
reading
this may be a Joseph
or a Timothy.
Let not this exhortation slip. Remember
Daniel, read Daniel 1:8. Daniel purposed in his heart not to
defile
himself with the
royal food.
Would you be a Daniel in the present
age?
Learn to have precious moments of prayer alone with the Lord.
These
few moments count for
eternity,
so don't rush them. Ask the Lord for
correction, as Jeremiah did (Jer. 10:24). Ask the Lord to search
you, How may teenage boys and girls receive help from their parents? Sit down and talk to your mother frequently, and listen very closely to what she has to say; don't rush. Your mother's word is law -- teaching -- for you. See Prov. 1:8 and 6:20. Ask your mother to pray for you. Promise her that you will follow her advice. Also, take time to talk to your father from time to time; don't rush. Let him know you esteem his counsel; God will bless you with long life, and it will go well with you. One special note for girls: Ask your mother to teach you the message of 1 Peter 3:4. This verse speaks of a special treasure for you, "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." How may young men and women receive help from parents? You are never too old to need your parents' counsel. Seek out the guidance of your parents as long as they live. Take time to talk to them and listen to them unhurriedly. God will speak to you through your parents. Ask them to pray for you. Read a mother's advice to her son in Prov. 31:2-5. This is a mother's teaching on purity. What if your parents are not Christians? There is much to be learned, especially in practical matters, even from non-Christian parents. Ask the Spirit to help you receive from them what is right, and reverence them even when you cannot follow their advice exactly. Are there words of caution for teenagers? Friendship between girls and boys should be guarded in the fear of God, and free of emotional overtones. Physical contact or intimate conversation between boys and girls, though seemingly playful and innocent, could easily lead to emotional problems. Secret, private, intimate sharing of thoughts and ideas between a boy and a girl, or between a man and a woman, is seldom free from defilement. Internet chat has destroyed not a few. Please read Prov. 4:14-15. If you would not eat of the forbidden tree, don't go by it; avoid it, pass not by it. This truth was impressed upon me in my youth by an esteemed spiritual guide of mine (M. Aruldhas, Trivandrum, India; now with the Lord). I am most thankful to him. Read Prov. 4:23. What you watch on television or videos is fastened onto your memory and your being, as food is assimilated in your body. Be warned, and flee from programs that feed the flesh. Let Jesus cleanse the temple -- your heart -- and live there as Lord. How may you be led by God in finding a spouse? Rebecca was at work when Abraham's servant first met her. Rachel was at work when Jacob first met her. Ruth was at work when Boaz first saw her. What is the message here? Sons, daughters, devote yourselves to the work God has given you. Keep on doing good. In due time you shall reap (Gal.6:9). Good will come your way. While you are at work for God, He is at work for you. God is faithful. The life of service will prepare you for your life-partner. There may be waiting, and your patience may be tried, but the gift of God will be the sweeter for the waiting. Adam was asleep when God formed his wife for him! Please read Prov. 19:14. May your thoughts come to rest in God. Ask for counsel from parents, and from older brethren who have wisdom. Read Genesis chapter 24, especially verses 63-65. Abraham took the initiative in seeking a wife for his son. Parents can help. Isaac was meditating in the field when his bride was brought to him from the far country. Rebecca, as soon as she saw Isaac coming toward her to meet her, dismounted from the camel, took her veil and covered herself. Please reflect on the lessons from this first meeting between Isaac and Rebecca. Isaac is a picture of piety, and Rebecca, of modesty. [NOTE FOR READERS IN THE EAST: 1. The parental role as it is practiced in the East is a special blessing, provided it maintains the freedom of the bride and the bridegroom to make the final decision having sought the will of God. Sons and daughters would do well to benefit from the caring guidance of the parents and other members of the family, as well as from the advice of the overseers in the Church. 2. The dowry system as it is practiced in the East is often a painful humiliation for the bride and her family. If you are seeking the bride whom God has prepared for you, then sincerely renounce the desire for money and wealth as part of the marriage. The bride is the wealth (Prov. 31:10).] Are there words of caution for young men and women considering marriage? Know that marriage is not a contract modifiable by man but a covenant of your God (Prov. 2:17) to be kept at the cost of life. Please read Jesus' words in Matt. 5:32 and Luke 16:18. Here we have the case of a woman unjustly divorced, and is therefore innocent. The remarriage of such an innocent woman would result in an adulterous union. By these few simple words Jesus has answered for us most of the excuses for divorce and remarriage. Be instructed and warned about divorce as well as marrying a divorcee. One special point, especially for men: Put off marriage until you have prepared yourselves for the responsibilities of married life. Seek guidance from your parents, and from the elders in the church who "watch for your souls" (Heb. 13:17). Take time to equip yourselves to serve God and to serve your fellow man. With God's Word in your heart, and your hands skilled in work, you will be useful to both God and man. How may I make a beginning today on the way of purity? Remember Jesus Christ. He offered His body to do the will of God. Tempted in all points like us in a flesh (nature) like ours, He humbled Himself, denied Himself, and learned obedience through suffering (Heb. 5:8). We suffer in the flesh when we say "no" to our own will, and "yes" to God's will; and through such suffering we learn obedience. In this walk of suffering the Lord Jesus Christ comes to our aid, and we have fellowship with Him. (Heb. 2:18.) We follow the footsteps of our Lord. He gives us grace, and leads us by His Spirit. In simple faith, turn your heart to God often as you go through your daily routine. You will be borne along by the Spirit of God through trials, and led to the work that God has prepared for you daily. Concerning Courtship Among the Disciples of Jesus Christ [There is some repetition in this section from the proceeding section – this was intended for completeness.] Please read Prov. 19:14: "…a prudent wife is from the Lord." In the previous chapter (Prov. 18:22) we read that a wife is the "favour of the Lord." God brings about the appropriate circumstances for you to meet your future spouse. Look to the Lord and commit your thoughts to Him. God may use others to help you and guide you. Rebecca was at work when God led Abraham's servant to her. Rachel was at work when Jacob first met her. Ruth was at work when Boaz first saw her. What is the message here? Young disciples of Jesus Christ, devote yourselves to the work God has given you. Keep on doing good. In due time you shall reap as we read in Gal. 6:9. Good will come your way. While you are at work for God, He is at work for you. God is faithful. The life of service will prepare you for your life-partner. There may be waiting, and your patience may be tried, but the gift of God will be the sweeter for the waiting. Adam
was asleep when God
formed his
wife for him! May your thoughts
come to rest in God. Abraham took the initiative in seeking a
wife
for his son. Abraham's
servant,
when he met Rebecca, told her nothing
about marriage. He waited until he came into her house. And
her Isaac
was meditating in
the field
when his bride was brought to him from
the far country. Rebecca, as soon as she saw Isaac coming
toward her to meet her, dismounted
from the
camel, took her veil and covered herself.
Please reflect on the lessons from this first meeting between
In our day it is for a man to seek a wife; the woman's role is to wait on God, and to place herself under the care of her family or spiritual guardians. God may use the parents or others to guide a young man towards meeting and getting to know a sister in the Lord. Then it is for him to seek the permission of the woman's family (the parents) for the next step: courtship. It is a virgin that a disciple of Jesus Christ courts: Virginity is an inestimable treasure, not for women only, but for men as well: purity of the heart first (Matt. 5:28; Job 31:1), and then of the body. If you have been defiled, come to God with heartfelt repentance. Come to the One who died for you, and be restored to purity. In
Bible times it was the
glory of
the woman to be veiled. The veil arrests
the gaze of the opposite sex, and declares the glory of the
person it hides. In courting a
woman, a man
should highly respect her veil, though
she is not wearing one literally; it is a demeanor that adorns
her Do
not our Lord's words
in Matt.
5:28 about looking to lust apply here
also?
This restraint, far from being a hindrance, assures you the
vantage point
from which to get to
know the
other person without being handicapped
by emotions. Here you need the help of the Holy Spirit to
It
is a sister in the
Lord that a
disciple of Jesus Christ courts: Courtship
therefore excludes intimacies of hearts and bodies that belong
exclusively
in marriage.
Courtship can
be pure in God's sight only if kept
strictly as a brother-sister relationship. Never discount the
possibility
of any
relationship failing
prior to marriage; you must be able
to
part with pure hearts and memories. As far as possible, do not
spend time
alone with the opposite
sex, giving
room for temptations. A wise
Friendship between a young woman and a young man should be guarded in the fear of God, and kept free from emotional bonds that are appropriate only in marriage. Secret, private, intimate sharing of thoughts and ideas between a man and a woman is seldom free from defilement. Internet chat has destroyed not a few. Please read Prov. 4: 14-15. If you would not eat of the forbidden tree, don't go by it; avoid it, pass not by it. George Mueller, when he began courting a Christian woman, first asked her if she would pray with him, and both prayed together. This is a blessed lesson. The fear of God is our protection and our power against all sin whether of thought or action. It will save us from much sorrow. If the above principles guide you, you will gain the respect of the other person from the start; and your relationship will be pure and noble all the way through. [NOTE ON PARENTAL ROLE: Parental initiative and guidance are providential. Be very thankful for it and willingly submit to it so that you may reap blessings. Pray that God would give your parents wisdom to guide you. Parental role may sometimes seem to limit your freedom, but the benefits are immense. If your parents are unable to help, seek the help of others in the extended family or in the Church who are able to fulfil such a role. If
you have met or come
to know someone
you would like to consider for
marriage, consult your parents without delay, before you enter
into serious
communication with
the person.
Coming to the parents "after-the-fact" would hurt now and afterwards.
Parents
would do well to listen The family includes, and is adorned by, members who put off or renounce marriage "for the kingdom of heaven's sake" (Matt. 19:12). Such are blessed exceptions as called of God and according to His gift (1 Cor. 7:7). The unmarried state affords more freedom to "attend upon the Lord without distraction" (1 Cor. 7:34-35). Paul
counseled in
preference of unmarried
state in view of "the present distress"
(1 Cor. 7:26). He was careful and faithful to say that it was
his opinion only, and not a
command of the
Lord (1 Cor. 7:25,26). The "distress"
situation may apply to individuals and Churches (as for the
Both the call to be celibate and the decision to be celibate are exceptions, and are sustained by grace and the spirit of sacrifice. Church history shows that while God used Paul and others like him exceptionally, the vast majority of those who were mightily used of God were married men and women. This is especially true of the earliest period of Christianity, and since the Reformation. See the words of our Lord in Matt. 11:18-19 (New King James Version), concluding with, "But wisdom is justified by her children." "Lord,
am I called to be
celibate
for life?" God will show you your calling,
and give you grace accordingly. Paul counsels how to keep
oneself
pure when single by
being occupied
with the things that belong to
the Lord (1 Cor. 7:34-35). When you are single, devote yourself
to The First Ten Years of Your Child: Psychiatrists say that a person's value system is locked in when he is around ten years of age. How precious, how critical, are those first ten years! The training that parents should give to a child in the early years is far too important to let it slip. It is the very foundation of the child's whole future. Let us therefore earnestly heed the scripture that says: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). Here we are given a great task - "train up a child" - and a glorious promise - "he will not depart from it." This gives us faith to apply ourselves to the task with a sure vision of our children's destiny. Impressions
from a godly
mother begin
to impart grace to an infant. Samuel
was born in answer to prayer. His mother had "prayed unto the
Lord,
and wept sore" for a
son whom
she would "give unto the Lord all the
days of his life." Samuel's parents raised him for the Lord such
that Timothy had a godly mother, and a godly grandmother. The Scripture says that the sincere faith that was in Timothy dwelt first in his grandmother and in his mother (2 Tim 1:5). Here we see three generations of faith, the third producing a man who served God with tears (2 Tim 1:4), of whom Paul writes: "from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation" (2 Tim 3:15, New American Standard). Timothy knew the sacred writings from childhood. He grew up to be a man of God's Word and a co-worker of Paul. Above
all, let us learn
from the
example of Jesus as a child and as a
teenager.
It is written of Him: "And the child grew, and waxed strong in
spirit,
filled with wisdom:
and the
grace of God was upon Him" (Luke 2:40).
Let us teach our children to pray and grow strong in the spirit
as By the time He was twelve years of age, Jesus had gained such knowledge of the scriptures that He was able to sit with teachers, both listening to them, and asking them questions. All who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers (Luke 2:46-47). At this very young age of twelve, Jesus knew, "that it was necessary (as a duty) for Me to be in My Father's house and [occupied] about My Father's business" (Luke 2:49, The Amplified Bible). Even with such knowledge, Jesus remained "(habitually) obedient" to Joseph and Mary (Luke 2:51). Let us keep before our children the example of Jesus as a child and as a young boy. Let us show them the glory of learning God's Word, and of habitually obeying their parents. Many parents allow their children to spend time exposed to worldly television programs and videos, bad literature, and music. Before they are teenagers, the children have drunk deeply from the spirit of the world. Now they are teenagers. They continue to drink from the spirit of the world through friends. The parents begin to worry. Sin has taken root and soon will bear fruit. It hurts, and the parents grieve. Even at this late stage we must believe God and cry out to Him. It may be difficult with older children, but let us work earnestly with the younger ones. Let us remember the example of Samuel and Timothy. There is hope in God. Mothers, work with your sons and daughters, and draw their hearts to God's Word from childhood days. Don't wait until they are teenagers. It is much easier to bend a tender plant than a grown tree. "Train up a child," we are told (Prov. 22:6). What is the responsibility of the fathers? Eli was judge and high priest in Israel, but "his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not" (I Samuel 3:13). But of Abraham, God said "...I know him, that he will command (teach and command, the Amplified Bible) his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord" (Gen. 18:19). It is a father's ministry to teach and command his children in the ways of the Lord. How shall a father teach and command? The Scripture says: "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger - do not exasperate them to resentment - but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4, The Amplified Bible). Fathers often are likely to get angry and provoke the children to anger. Paul knew this, and so he gives counsel. Let us take heed. Again
we read: "You shall
teach them
diligently to your children, and shall
talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the
way, when you lie down, and when
you rise
up" (Deut. 6:7, New King James Version).
God's word thus becomes the center of life in the home. The
father
and the mother keep
God's Word
in their hearts, and it overflows in
loving words to children in ordinary conversations. The pressures
of daily life
often make this
difficult.
We therefore need to be diligent, because
we are told to "teach them diligently to your children." We
may do this at the dinner table.
We may
do this when we travel. We have opportunity
to do this especially during family devotions. Of the
virtuous
wife it is written:
"She opens
her mouth with wisdom, and on her
tongue is the law of kindness" (Prov. 31:26, New King James
Version).
What a glorious
ministry for
a mother! When we love our children,
we will discover new ways of communicating with them in
daily
life. It is
fellowship. It is
pure joy to see your child receiving
Leading Children to a Personal Relationship With Christ: Let us emphasize an important point: Begin when the child is a child. The Lord Jesus Christ is calling the children to come to Him (Matt. 19:14). How early may we begin? "But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts" (Psa. 22:9). We may learn from this verse that as the mother nurses the child, she may also give him or her the pure milk of God's Word in songs and stories and memory verses. As you pray for and with the child, the Lord will give you wisdom to minister the Word and the Spirit to the child. The mother's role is prominent in the beginning, and the father joins in due time. A
mother or father who is
walking
in the Spirit will be able to impart the
Spirit,
and not only the letter of the Word to the child's heart. "The
words
that I speak unto you,
they are
spirit, and they are life," said Jesus
(John
6:63). We are planting and watering the seed. God will give
the The children receive gladly and trustingly from Mom and Dad. The word of God will become a fountain of life in due time, and will keep them from drinking from the spirit of the world in their teenage years. God's Word will be fulfilled that says, "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your Word" (Psa. 119:9, New King James Version). Raising Children for
the Lord By
Susannah
Wesley: [Note:
The author of the following passage was the mother of 19
children
of whom eight died
in infancy.
She spent an hour with "First
of all, it must be
remembered
that no mother can bring up her children
for the Lord who does not renounce the world completely in her
own
life to start with.
Secondly, she
must be willing to devote her entire
life
to the work of saving the souls of her children, and must be
When
children are about
one year
old, they must be taught to fear the
rod
and cry only softly. Thus they can escape an abundance of
correction that
they would otherwise
have to learn
later on. That awful noise of children
screaming in the house must never be heard in a house. Even in
Some childish follies should be ignored and some others reproved only mildly. But no deliberate disobedience should ever be overlooked. It must be punished - the degree and type of punishment being dependent on the circumstances of the case. Cowardice and the fear of punishment often lead children to tell lies in order to escape punishment. To prevent this, it must be made clear to them that if anyone confesses his fault and is sorry for what he has done, he will not be punished. No child in any case should be rebuked or punished twice for the same fault; and if he changes his ways, he should never ever be reminded of his past failures. Every significant act of obedience that is the result of a child having denied himself in same way should be commended and praised. Where a child makes a mistake, when it intended to do what was right, it should not be punished, but only lovingly taught the right way to do it in the future. Children must be taught to respect God, to be still during times of prayer, and to pray by themselves every day. They must also be taught to respect the property of others and never to take even a small pin or coin that does not belong to them. We
must never forget that
true spirituality
is nothing other than denying one's
own will and doing the will of God. Since the one great hindrance
to our
eternal happiness is our
self-will,
any small indulgence of it cannot be
ignored,
and every small denial of it will be eternally profitable.
Heaven and hell depend on this. And
so the
mother who works to subdue self-will
in
her child works together with God to save a soul for eternity. On
the other
hand, she who indulges
her child's
self-will actually does the Devil's
work
for him and helps toward the eternal damnation of her child's
soul." In
the last two verses of
the Old
Testament we read that God will send
Elijah
the prophet to turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and
the heart of
the children to
their fathers.
We are therefore warned that the heart
of the children and the heart of the fathers will be turned
away The
Father–Son Bond:
If you would see a most fundamental aspect of the bond between a
father and a
son, please read
Genesis 22:7-8,
and note the conversation between
Abraham and Isaac. Isaac addresses his father as "my father,"
and
not merely as "father";
Abraham
addresses his son as "my son," not merely
as "son". This very ancient example shows us the emotional
Honoring Father and Mother: If the first blessing to the first parents was to have many children (Gen. 1:22), the first commandment with promise to the children was to honor their parents (Ex. 20:12); and the promise was long life on earth with related benefits. Paul repeats this in Eph. 6:2-3. It is so very important, therefore, for children to learn to honor their parents from early age. "Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and keep My Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God" (Lev. 19:3, New King James Version). Note how solemn is this commandment! The commandment to revere the parents and the commandment to keep the Sabbaths are joined in one sentence, made most solemn by the addition of "I am the Lord your God." How blessed it is to believe and obey! Ask
the Holy Spirit to
show you how
to honor and revere your parents. Your
attitude, your love, your obedience, your words, your tone,
your consideration, your
willingness to listen,
your actions; all these add up. Gifts
and kind words on special days have their place, but honor and
Respect
for the elderly
(not parents
only) is pleasing to God. "You shall
rise
before the gray headed and honor the presence of an old man,
and fear your God: I am the
Lord" (Lev.
19:32, New King James Version). Note,
here also, how solemn is the commandment. There are elderly
Parents' Care for Grown Children: The twelve sons of Jacob were fathers themselves when blessed by their dying father. If they were to receive the blessing at that stage, surely they had to be honoring and revering their father at that time. Jacob himself was in his late seventies when he obeyed his mother, and obtained his father's blessing. Sons and daughters, esteem and inherit your parents' blessing. Even as a queen, Esther obeyed her uncle Mordecai who reared her (Esther 2:20). Sons and daughters, esteem and submit to the spiritual care of your parents. Job's seven sons and three daughters were grown and living in their own houses. Yet Job cared for their spiritual welfare. From Job 1:5 we may learn: (1)
At the conclusion of
the days
of feasting, "Job sent and sanctified
them." This implies that the caring father invited the sons
and daughters to come to the
altar at his
home, and participate in the prayers
and
offerings for them. Job was sensitive to the possibility of
sin (2)
Job rose
up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according
to the number of his sons and
daughters.
Burnt offerings for ten children, one
offering for each! This teaches us how earnestly we should pray
(as if
offering a burnt
offering; remember
Christ's atoning death for our (3) Job did this continually; this was his custom. Please read Job 1:4-5. As a father, I have been moved by the example of Job who "was the greatest of all the men of the east" of his day. I would encourage the fathers who read this to reflect on Job 1:4-5. Old age increasingly makes us less "relevant" to the fast-paced, fast-changing younger eneration. Most people are too busy to give us time. Off they go to work, to school, to appointments. uccess brings more work, more stress, less leisure. We long for our grown children to sit down and talk to us, but they are driven by more demanding commitments and opportunities. The younger generation cannot relate to our situation as we wish. We shouldn't fault them. Now our time is too precious to be spent on finding fault. As our time winds up in the eventide of our life, our moments are precious. This is the time of our life to bless others. We can bless if we are blessed ourselves. We can bless if we have a blessing to give. What good can we do? What words can we speak to bless? What fruits of our life will speak of us after we are gone? As we wake up in the morning, thousands have departed this life the previous night. What shall we do with this day, this present moment, we are permitted to live? The present moment is ours by God's grace, and it is precious. Should we not offer it up to the Giver in thankful joy? "O Lord I offer this precious moment to You," let us pray. The present moment belongs to us by God's grace, and we belong to God. In offering the present moment to God we are offering ourselves to Him. As we make a truly conscious offering of our present moment to God, we experience pure joy, and we are drawn closer to God. We worship. Our time is our life. As we make a truly conscious offering of our time to God, we sense God's leading in the daily affairs of life. Daniel
lived in a land
far from his
own, but in his old age God showed him
visions of things to come. Daniel was a man of prayer. John
who wrote the last book of the
Bible was
in exile in his old age and God opened
the heavens and unveiled the future to him. John was a man of
Would you like to invest your time for eternity? Ask the Lord Jesus to give you a longing to pray. The Lord will give the longing, the Lord will give grace, and you will see a change coming over your affections. The Spirit of God will give you a love for the presence of God and for prayer. As we begin to experience this, we also experience the joy of being in God's will and being led by the Spirit. When we apply our hearts to prayer we will receive an ever-increasing measure of the Holy Spirit. We do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit knows (Rom. 8:26). As we long to pray the Holy Spirit helps us to pray as we ought. This indeed is so blessed. As Job prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes; and more than that, "the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning..." (Job 42:12). Job's friends had faulted him when he was suffering, but he prayed for them. When we pray as Job did, the Lord gives us a double portion of the blessing. Let us pray for others and not condemn them. We are blessed, and called to bless. Please
reflect on the
following from
Fenelon's (AD 1651-1715) Spiritual
Letters: "Our
whole
life belongs to God, as well as our whole heart;
neither
is too much to give Him. He has bestowed them upon us
only
that we may love and
serve Him;
let us keep back nothing from
Him. We cannot always be doing a great work, but we can
always
be doing something
that belongs
to our condition. To be silent,
to suffer, to pray when we cannot act, is acceptable to God.
A
disappointment, a
contradiction, a
harsh word, an annoyance, a wrong
received and endured as in His presence, is worth more
than
a long prayer; and we
do not lose
time if we bear its loss Thus
spend your days,
redeeming the
time; give up vain amusements,
useless correspondences, those weak outpourings of
the
heart that are only
modifications
of self-love, and conversations
that dissipate the mind and lead to no good. Thus
you
will find time to serve God; and there is none well employed
that
is not devoted to Him."
(Fenelon's
Spiritual Letters, Christian
Books Publishing House, pg. 236) For
such there shall be sunshine at the eventide.
A river flowed out of Eden to water the garden, and it divided and became four rivers. Love in the family is like a life-spring that should overflow and water the extended family. If there is God's love in our heart for the family, we cannot exclude any member of the extended family from our love, nor any other human being. We are obligated in Christ to love every human being for whom He died. The Holy Spirit fills our heart, and the living water flows forth to others. You
may learn much wisdom
from your
grandparents and other older relatives.
You have an opportunity to be an example to many youngsters.
Your
immediate family links
you to the
extended family, and the extended
family links you to mankind at large. Is this not God's
design? What divides mankind is not color but sin that uses color as an excuse. What divides mankind is not language but sin that uses language as an excuse. Jesus Christ is the Savior from sin, and therefore from divisions as well. He is the progenitor of the new family called the Church. The Church is one new family – one Spirit - in Christ. Differences do not divide in the Body of Christ because we are all baptized into one body by one Spirit. Whether Jews or Greeks, whether black or white, we were all made to drink of one Spirit. Where the Spirit unites, let not the flesh divide. In Christ, we belong to one another for eternity. Jesus
Christ died for
every man.
The wall that divided the Jew and the
Gentile
was broken down by Jesus Christ. Sin had divided mankind, and
the
cross (the sufferings of
Christ)
reconciled us to one another (Eph. 2:14-16;
Col. 3:10-11). This reconciliation begins in the heart, and we
receive
grace to love one
another as
we read in Col. 3:13-14. Offenses
are common, as we know from experience. We are to forgive
as
God forgave us in Christ.
Has there
been an offense from us? We
If the Spirit of God is drawing you to such a life of love, please yield, and don't hold back. Let us give ourselves in love for others as Christ gave Himself in love for us. We may suffer loss, but we are in possession of a wealth that cannot be lost. And that wealth is love. Amen. Historical Notes 1. God instituted monogamous marriage at creation (Gen. 2:18-25). Polygamy was the fruit of the deterioration of mankind. It has no sanction under the New Covenant. 2. With the deterioration of mankind, physical beauty rather than godliness became the main criterion in choosing a wife (Gen. 6:2). 3.
"Marriage among the
Jews was usually
preceded by a formal act of betrothal,
such a contract being regarded as absolutely binding. On
the
marriage day, the bride
was escorted
to her husband's home by a procession
consisting of her own companions, and the 'friends of the
bridegroom',
or 'children of
the bride-chamber'.
When she reached the
house, some such words as "Take her according to the Law of
Moses
and of Israel' were
spoken, the
pair were crowned with garlands,
and a marriage deed signed. After the prescribed washing
of
hands and benediction,
the marriage
supper was held. For a year after
marriage a man was released from all military service. The
Christian
law of marriage is
given in
Mt. 19:4-9; Mark 10:2-12; Rom.
7:2; 1 Cor. 7; its mystical meaning, as symbolizing the union
between
Christ and the
Church, is explained
in Eph. 5:22-32." Concise
Bible Dictionary in the Holy Bible, Cambridge University
4. In Jewish culture it was not proper for a couple to express their affection in public (Song of Solomon 8:1-3). 5. In ancient times long and flowing hair was the glory of a godly woman (Song of Solomon 4:1; 6:5 (New King James Version); 1 Cor. 11:15). A meek and quiet spirit was her inner beauty (1 Peter 3:4). 6. In the Old Testament, betrothal was considered equally as binding as marriage. Rape of a betrothed girl demanded the death of the man involved (Deut. 22:23–27). 7. Job's daughters shared their father's inheritance with the sons (Job 42:15). Daughters did not share the inheritance in Israel, except later under the law only if there were no sons (Num. 27:8). "In Mesopotamian law the dowry was given to the bride by her father and remained her possession even if it was administered by her husband; it passed to her sons after her death or returned to her family if she died without sons." Dictionary of the Bible, John L. McKenzie, S.J. 8. A large family was a blessing from God (Psa. 127:3-5; 128:2-4). Childlessness was a matter of sorrow (Gen. 30:1; 1 Sam. 1:6,11; Luke 1:25). 9. It was the duty of the parents to teach the children wisdom. 10. Respect and obedience for the parents was commanded (Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16). Striking or insulting the parents was punishable by death (Ex. 21:15,17; Lev. 20:9). In the beginning the Creator crowned the creation with the marriage of two beings created in His own image. The fellowship between Adam and Eve as God's children was the ultimate bliss in Eden. The same fellowship is recreated in every covenant union ever since. This blessing may be experienced in all families through the Lord Jesus Christ who redeemed us from the Fall. God shall also crown eternity with a marriage: the marriage between His Son and the Church. For this the Lord Jesus Christ loved us and gave Himself for us. It is in such sacrificial love – ovenant love – that we fully realize the joys of marriage and family. To
such joys of marriage
and family
this book invites you. God's grace makes
such a life possible for every family.
Test Question: 1.
Write a 5-page summary
of the
entire course You must include the following information: Your Name, Course Name, Your Email Address. We will send you the correct answers as soon as we hear from you. We expect to provide certificates: Certificate In Theology to those who complete 10 courses together, and Diploma In Theology to those who complete 20 courses together. For more information contact us via email. If Answers@ApologeticsCourses.Com does not work due to any reason, send all mail to calvin@satyam.net.in Mr. Joseph Artungal an Indian, is now based in the USA. An Engineer by training, he is now involved full-tme in Christian ministry. He travels widely for the purpose of Christian ministry. |
||
|
IndusTheology.Com |
|
Visit The Most Comprehensive FREE Site |
Online Theology Courses |
|
Free Theology Courses | Indian Children | Theology Degree Courses | Hospital Ministry |